


What The Future May Bring

by meridian_rose (meridianrose)



Category: Murdoch Mysteries
Genre: Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge, Sexual Fantasy, community: mmom, implied Watts/Crabtree
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 05:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18804460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meridianrose/pseuds/meridian_rose
Summary: Watts goes to Julia to discuss sexual fantasises about a particular person. Julia is a good listener and supportive friend.





	What The Future May Bring

"Dr Ogden. May I have a word?"

Julia had just been washing her hands after checking on a patient. She turned, still drying her fingers, to find Watts behind her. "Of course, Detective."

"In private?"

Julia put aside the towel and nodded. "Follow me." Advice on a case might require privacy but she rather feared this was personal and hoped it was nothing serious. Crabtree, Brackenreid, Higgins, and now Watts, had all become dear to her in their own way, not just her husband's co-workers or colleagues she consulted with, but friends.

She led Watts to the storage closet that Ruth had commandeered as a place for Julia to work on her book, and closed the door behind them. She perched on the edge of the desk, gesturing to the only chair for Watts to sit.

He glanced around, assessing his surroundings. "Cosy," he said.

"Quite."

Watts sat, turning his hat round in his hands. Julia gave him a moment before she prompted him.

"I promise anything you tell me will be strictly confidential," she said softly, trying to reassure him.

He nodded. "This is a somewhat delicate matter. But you have always been forthright in all matters. I respect that."

Watts was also forthright and she took this a compliment. Still he paused, unusually hesitant. Julia considered if she ought to offer him some water, some small social nicety to break the ice.

"What are your thoughts on masturbation?" Watts asked without further preamble.

Julia stared at him for a moment. "Ah, well, I - let me see." She gathered her thoughts. Of all the things she might have expected or feared, this was not one of them. Onanism had been the last thing on her mind.

Watts placed his hat on the desk and gave her his undivided attention.

"It would seem to me to be a perfectly natural act," Julia said at last. "Our own bodies are the first we explore. While some doctors frown upon it, I think that so long as it is not causing any harm, there is nothing to be gained from shaming the practice."

Watts considered this. "What do you mean by harm?"

"Well - if it began to interfere with one's work," she said. "As with any activity, from gambling to praying, an obsession with any activity that causes one to forgo everyday life and responsibilities would be a cause for concern."

"No," Watts said decisively. "That's not it."

Julia nodded to show she was listening. What did he want or need from her? "Perhaps if you could be more precise about the problem."

There was another long pause. Julia thought that if this were Crabtree she'd now have a hand on his knee, call him George, remind him of her trustworthiness. Of course if this were Crabtree he'd have said three times as many words on the subject and probably gone off on a tangent, but they'd be closer to the root of the issue.

Watts was another matter. She hadn't worked as long, or as closely, with him. She couldn't be sure if he'd appreciate a friendly touch.

"Suppose there are certain fantasies involved," Watts said, eyes unfocused as if he were elsewhere.

"It would depend on the fantasises."

"How so?"

Julia spread her hands. "Are the fantasies disturbing to - to the person in question. Something they feel is abhorrent. Something they feel is dangerous."

Watts shook his head. "No. They - that is, I do not find them disturbing."

Julia nodded, glad he was opening up.

"But they could be dangerous," Watts said.

"How so?"

"Lately they involve a man, rather than a woman." Watts gave a wry smile. "I am given to understand that a previous coroner of your acquaintance was a Sapphic woman and you showed great understanding of this. Your first instinct will not to be have me arrested for saying this."

Julia shook her head. "Of course not." She sought to reassure him. "As you know, I oppose our current laws on the matter of birth control and abortion. I support justice, but there are laws that are unjust. The law against homosexual persons is another I cannot support in good faith."

"I see."

"And even if that were not true, fantasises are just that," Julia said. "No-one can police our thoughts."

"Not yet." Watts stood, stared at the painting hung over the desk. "Though who can say what the future might bring."

That was a horrifying concept. Julia pushed it aside for the moment. "A fantasy may not be something you wish to happen," she said. "A fantasy is a way for us to explore our deepest desires and fears. To gain some measure of control over the uncontrollable, or to give ourselves free rein to surrender and experience the forbidden."

"And if I did feel this fantasy is something I would want?"

This was indeed dangerous territory. Julia took a risk, reached out to grasp his elbow. "There is no shame in that."

He nodded. "Thank you."

She let go and he sat down abruptly.

"The Greeks had a rather more tolerant attitude to what those we're now calling homosexual persons," Julia offered. She'd read classical literature her whole life, and during her time as a psychiatrist had come across the latest research and clinical terms. "For all our concern with the future, sometimes I think we should look to the past. Love is more varied and complex than the narrow boxes we currently try to shoehorn it into."

Watts raised a finger. "Ah, though the Greeks seemed to feel it was only appropriate for an older man to dominate a younger man."

They discussed this briefly, the role of the 'passive partner' and how a more modern approach would be between equals - as it should be between a man and woman; it turned out Watts was supportive of Julia retaining her surname, amongst other things.

"So these fantasies," Julia said, attempting to steer the conversation back to the topic at hand, as it were. "They are for a particular person or more of an ideal partner?"

"Someone in particular. Someone I am acquainted with. Unwed, of a similar age. And yet we are not...not truly equals."

That narrowed down the possibilities. If it was someone at the station house then not John Brackenreid - too young - and not Higgins. She'd heard at least two of the other constables make disparaging remarks about homosexual men, and the other likely unwed suspects were constables Dolan and Crabtree.

"I see," Julia said. "Are these fantasies making it difficult to work alongside this person?"

"I did not say I work with them."

Julia opened and closed her mouth. Like any good detective, Watts kept an eye on the details.

"However you surmised correctly," he went on. "No, the fantasies do not make it difficult. My feelings are starting to make it difficult. When I indulge in masturbation it is a way to express those feelings in safety. I am attempting to find ways to manage the feelings but I am concerned I am merely reinforcing or exacerbating them."

This then was what had brought him to her. Julia took a deep breath.

"I do not think we can easily rid ourselves of feelings," she said. "No matter if love is unrequited, or impossible, it does not make it less real. If this is the safest way for you to explore such feelings and it gives relief then I would not worry too much. It might be prudent to try and focus on other fantasies however."

"Variety is the very spice of life," Watts agreed. He got his feet again. "Thank you."

Julia stood too. "I am always ready to listen without judgement," she said. "Call on me any time, here or at home."

He put on his hat. "I will bear that in mind. Good day."

Watts left and Julia closed the door behind him, took a moment for herself to reflect on their conversation. She'd meant every word. If Watts had romantic, sexual, feelings for another man she would do her best to support him. She couldn't be sure if the object of his affections returned his feelings and nor could Watts; his understandable reticence was why he chose masturbation over admitting his desires to the man in question.

If things were different perhaps Watts could approach Crabtree - and she was certain it was George Crabtree because she'd just remembered Watts making an off-hand comment that it was a pity that Dolan's attractive exterior was not matched by any inner beauty. Watts struck her as someone who needed a good heart in a partner and Crabtree was one of the most caring men she knew.

And though things were not different yet, maybe they would be soon. She was a surgeon, a psychiatrist, had worked as a coroner in the morgue where Miss Hart was working, where Miss James had worked, where before that Emily Grace, as Watts had mentioned, had worked. Progress was being made, slow but sure. Perhaps one day there would be equality regardless of race, equality between the sexes, equality of respect for all forms of love between adults.

She could only hope that it was so.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to keep things fairly historically accurate though it may not be completely so.  
> These are some of the resources I consulted.  
> https://www.livius.org/articles/concept/greek-homosexuality/  
> https://www.etymonline.com  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_history_in_Canada  
> https://www.gingersoftware.com/content/phrases/variety-is-the-spice-of-life/
> 
> Thank you for reading! I didn't tag Watts/Crabtree in the relationships tag as I thought it may seem misleading but I'm open to other views on that.


End file.
